If airlines were people…

Emirates = Amal Alamuddin Clooney

Internationally respected, elegant, exotic, and unattainable perfection. Amal Clooney is the Emirates of airlines. Amal is out of everyone’s league, just like a $20,000 Emirates first class suite.

Everlane cashmere sweater & joggers; SK II sheet mask; Globetrotter carry-on.

United Airlines =  Chris Brown

Both have a history of assault, but Americans quickly forgive/forget and continue to fly United/listen to Chris Brown’s music (even though both are super mediocre).

Arlo Skye is made of aluminum-magnesium; this carry-on is durable (just in case you and it get dragged off the plane). It also has a built-in phone charger so you can listen to chris brown tracks uninterrupted. (bo&play headphones)

Virgin America = Lisa Vanderpump

Both have British roots, an affinity for pink/purple (why tho…?) and are slightly tacky, but you love them anyway. Virgin and LVP both love dogs, are great at entertaining and never short on wine.

Goyard dog carrier

American Airlines = Jessica Biel

All-American, no-frills and kind of underwhelming…but when dressed up, they have potential to #SLAY. AA’s 787 Dreamliner is like Jessica Biel at the Met Gala, but more often than not, you get a plane from the same era as 7th Heaven. The Admirals Club is an added bonus…kind of like having Justin Timberlake as your spouse.

Processed with VSCO with g7 preset
Decker relaxing in the Admiral’s Club

Louis Vuitton dog collar; Paravel duffel; Warby Parker glasses; Grown Alchemist hand cream.

British Airways = Kate Moss

British Airways and Kate Moss give zero f*cks about what people think about them. They’re unsympathetic, often surrounded by controversy, and have been critiqued for being a bare bones airline/baring too many bones as a model. Despite getting ejected from an Easyjet plane for being intoxicated and calling a flight attendant “basic” (#rockbottom), I can’t quit Kate Moss. Just like Kate, BA has its demons, but I’m still flying back from London on BA in March. Worst case scenario, I’ll just get Kate Moss wasted.


Toteme scarf

Spirit Airlines = Donald Trump

Both make the list of the world’s worst everything and are the same awkward shade of yellow. Both have a very public reputation for being repulsive/terrible, but somehow are still in business/the oval office. WTF.

i didnt vote

Lingua Franca NYC

Southwest = Tom Hanks

America’s most decent person/airline. Down-to-earth, affable…a man/airline of the people. In a world of scandal and sleaze, we’ll always have Southwest/Tom Hanks. Keep being Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks…


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